Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Lent Day Who Knows
Late tonight I watched the most incredible lightening storm of my life over the Mediterranean alone from a perch on a deserted mountain road. Cheesy alert. It reminded me of how beautiful nature and life can be and how lucky I am to be here!
My Life is a Movie
I was thinking about this the other day. Peace Corps is kind of like a theatrical performance. First, we have the protagonist. A naïve, idealist, with a good heart, a good head (sometimes), and the gusto to do something big with his life. In an effort to fulfill his need to put these qualities into practice, he joins an organization known for its rumored idealistic, flip-flop wearing, “lets go native” philosophy: the US Peace Corps. At the beginning motives are unknown by the audience. Perhaps, they think as they watch, the volunteer doesn’t know exactly why he is there either. He’s complex. Slowly revealing who he is through inner dialogues meant to quell his confusion about self and purpose, the audience slowly starts to see who this person really is and why he does what he does. Between these self-analyzing, philosophical musings they see his interactions with the people around him, both other volunteers and neighbors. They see how his ideas about life and self express themselves in his relationships: sometimes triumphantly, sometimes tragically. Most of the time, knowing what they know, the audience will be slightly amused and delighted by how clumsily, and over-seriously the volunteer goes about these interactions.
It would be no performance, of course, without an antagonist. Or, in this case, many. The volunteer, unbeknownst to him at first, has a host of issues set in his way, many there before he even arrives. Apathy, homesickness, cultural differences, the local crazy out to make life miserable, and transportation that sometimes makes him want to die. The odds are against him. The audience can see this from the get-go and it keeps them enthralled, even through the tedium that fills the void between the heart pounding action scenes, intriguing drama, and hilarious comedy. Perhaps, they think, the tedium is his biggest enemy. He’s not doing a great job of combating it though.
Like in most stories, the volunteer is not alone. He has friends and family, some popping in and out, some there throughout its entirety, helping him accomplish, not necessarily the mission he set out for, but his destiny: what (he is slowly discovering) he is meant to accomplish through this ordeal. These people anchor his reality, keeping him in sight of what is most important and helping him avoid getting upset over things that can be dismissed. They don’t always give him warning of impending doom or keep him out of trouble, but they do always come to his rescue when he finds himself in a jam that he cant get out of on his own.
At some point in the story, the volunteer is faced with an obstacle so big and so powerful, that his fundamental idea of the ordeal is remarkably altered. This is the turning point. From here on out the volunteer quickly starts to “get-it.” He sees his enemies for what they really are and he no longer fears them. While twists appear every once and a while and the volunteer relapses into unsuccessful habits on occasion, the story picks up from here with the end in sight.
This story has a happy ending as it turns out. The volunteer finds his purpose and accomplishes it in some fashion or another. Not everything works out as he had hoped, but in the end all that matters is that he made it through. No grand finale. No on stage fireworks. Just a quiet, reflective success.
It would be no performance, of course, without an antagonist. Or, in this case, many. The volunteer, unbeknownst to him at first, has a host of issues set in his way, many there before he even arrives. Apathy, homesickness, cultural differences, the local crazy out to make life miserable, and transportation that sometimes makes him want to die. The odds are against him. The audience can see this from the get-go and it keeps them enthralled, even through the tedium that fills the void between the heart pounding action scenes, intriguing drama, and hilarious comedy. Perhaps, they think, the tedium is his biggest enemy. He’s not doing a great job of combating it though.
Like in most stories, the volunteer is not alone. He has friends and family, some popping in and out, some there throughout its entirety, helping him accomplish, not necessarily the mission he set out for, but his destiny: what (he is slowly discovering) he is meant to accomplish through this ordeal. These people anchor his reality, keeping him in sight of what is most important and helping him avoid getting upset over things that can be dismissed. They don’t always give him warning of impending doom or keep him out of trouble, but they do always come to his rescue when he finds himself in a jam that he cant get out of on his own.
At some point in the story, the volunteer is faced with an obstacle so big and so powerful, that his fundamental idea of the ordeal is remarkably altered. This is the turning point. From here on out the volunteer quickly starts to “get-it.” He sees his enemies for what they really are and he no longer fears them. While twists appear every once and a while and the volunteer relapses into unsuccessful habits on occasion, the story picks up from here with the end in sight.
This story has a happy ending as it turns out. The volunteer finds his purpose and accomplishes it in some fashion or another. Not everything works out as he had hoped, but in the end all that matters is that he made it through. No grand finale. No on stage fireworks. Just a quiet, reflective success.
Sunday, March 13, 2011
Lent Day 3: The Things I Do
Ok, I know I wrote yesterday about how projects are just time fillers. Not unimportant, but not the most important. I am holding to that. All the same, I’m now going to write about that work.
People keep asking me what sorts of projects I’m working on or if I’m even doing any “work” at all. In answer to the second question, yes, barely. In answer to the first, here’s a look.
Oh and keep in mind that I go through these project ideas like Tiger Woods goes through mistresses. Yes! One point to me for keeping up with outdated pop culture.
Project #1: One-day celebration of the UN Year of Forests at the local Tafoghalt middle school.
Also known as E Day, this project is the most likely to happen. The idea has been brewing in my mind since last summer, but until about a couple of months ago it was not a perceivable reality. In theory it’s very simple. In weird, new-American-in-Tafoghalt reality, it turns out, it’s actually pretty difficult. It took nearly a year before I even felt comfortable enough with the people and place here to really start foreseeing any potential success or sustainability. Anyway, the premise of the project is this: Bring together local educators and leaders to celebrate forests with local students by doing educational games and activities. Its taken two months, lots of back-and-forth clearing up misunderstandings, and a few date changes, but I think finally things are lined up as well as they are going to be. One local environmental non profit will be showing some short films and having discussions on them, Socorra will be doing some activity of her choosing (pressures on now that everyone who reads this knows), a few Department of Water and Forest representatives will be planting trees and illustrating tree anatomy, and another environmental organization will be doing a drawing contest and painting the winners as murals on the school walls.
Project #2: Environmental Education teacher workshop for rural educators
This project is a little more ethereal. Another idea that’s been a brewin in my head, though this one was little more than a passing thought in our heads a month ago. Socorra and I hope to bring educators and Water and Forest reps from all over the Morocco Orient region together with Moroccan trainers to network and do a two-day hands-on training on how to incorporate environmentally related lessons into their curriculums. We can both attest to its organization being as difficult as you might imagine. To add pressure, we want to do it at the end of the school year which is fast approaching. Right now we are just trying to figure out logistics like a place to stay, who will cook, who will train, who wants to be trained. We haven’t even begun to worry about struggling through the government red tape and finding the money. I think I can safely say that, if it happens, this will be the defining project of my service.
Project #3: Tourism association
We are just going in order from most likely to probably never going to happen. This project falls somewhere in between. A few months ago, there seemed to be a lot of momentum for starting an association to help develop sustainable tourism. Things like creating brochures, hiking maps, advertising, community events, and guide training. It was an idea of the people, they were excited and motivated, and than after the initial woohoo moment and me telling them that they should start organizing the meetings themselves things sort of halted. I have recently discovered that some of the people who want to start it don’t like each other. In a place where personal issues seem to take precedent over business issues, I think this will probably be a project killer. Something, anyway, that I have neither the social standing nor language ability to deal with effectively.
Project #4: Budget training for local women’s associations and cooperatives.
Recently in the “most likely to happen” slot and now in the “probably will never happen” slot is this training for a local women’s association that weaves rugs for added income. Jonathon, the volunteer before me, was passionate about helping these women and I sort of promised him when he left that I would try to keep up with them and help them when they needed it. He had helped buy looms and materials for them to begin weaving in their new building. When I went down to talk with them a few months after I had been in site, I discovered that they (this being the couple of women I talked with) had used all their materials, had no money, and thought the building was too far away to be practical. They got financial help from Jonathon and so, I think, expected it from me. I thought, however, that instead of giving them more money to continue spending ineffectively, I should train them how to more wisely use the money and then, if they thought building another new building was worth THEIR money, they could build it. I should have seen then that it wasn’t really about walking a kilometer that was the issue; there were politics at work here too. Some women didn’t like some of the other women and felt the system that they had been given wasn’t fair. I wanted to give up after discovering this, but I persisted. Recently, however, I’ve been informed that there is longer a legal association and that plans are in the works to restart it with a different leader than the one I have been working with. That is why this one is now at the bottom of the list. Unless I get a huge kick of motivation, I don’t foresee reviving it. But, then again, I don’t foresee a lot of things that end up happening here. Mostly for my, but also for Jonathon’s, sakes I hope some surprising happens and this turns into a success.
People keep asking me what sorts of projects I’m working on or if I’m even doing any “work” at all. In answer to the second question, yes, barely. In answer to the first, here’s a look.
Oh and keep in mind that I go through these project ideas like Tiger Woods goes through mistresses. Yes! One point to me for keeping up with outdated pop culture.
Project #1: One-day celebration of the UN Year of Forests at the local Tafoghalt middle school.
Also known as E Day, this project is the most likely to happen. The idea has been brewing in my mind since last summer, but until about a couple of months ago it was not a perceivable reality. In theory it’s very simple. In weird, new-American-in-Tafoghalt reality, it turns out, it’s actually pretty difficult. It took nearly a year before I even felt comfortable enough with the people and place here to really start foreseeing any potential success or sustainability. Anyway, the premise of the project is this: Bring together local educators and leaders to celebrate forests with local students by doing educational games and activities. Its taken two months, lots of back-and-forth clearing up misunderstandings, and a few date changes, but I think finally things are lined up as well as they are going to be. One local environmental non profit will be showing some short films and having discussions on them, Socorra will be doing some activity of her choosing (pressures on now that everyone who reads this knows), a few Department of Water and Forest representatives will be planting trees and illustrating tree anatomy, and another environmental organization will be doing a drawing contest and painting the winners as murals on the school walls.
Project #2: Environmental Education teacher workshop for rural educators
This project is a little more ethereal. Another idea that’s been a brewin in my head, though this one was little more than a passing thought in our heads a month ago. Socorra and I hope to bring educators and Water and Forest reps from all over the Morocco Orient region together with Moroccan trainers to network and do a two-day hands-on training on how to incorporate environmentally related lessons into their curriculums. We can both attest to its organization being as difficult as you might imagine. To add pressure, we want to do it at the end of the school year which is fast approaching. Right now we are just trying to figure out logistics like a place to stay, who will cook, who will train, who wants to be trained. We haven’t even begun to worry about struggling through the government red tape and finding the money. I think I can safely say that, if it happens, this will be the defining project of my service.
Project #3: Tourism association
We are just going in order from most likely to probably never going to happen. This project falls somewhere in between. A few months ago, there seemed to be a lot of momentum for starting an association to help develop sustainable tourism. Things like creating brochures, hiking maps, advertising, community events, and guide training. It was an idea of the people, they were excited and motivated, and than after the initial woohoo moment and me telling them that they should start organizing the meetings themselves things sort of halted. I have recently discovered that some of the people who want to start it don’t like each other. In a place where personal issues seem to take precedent over business issues, I think this will probably be a project killer. Something, anyway, that I have neither the social standing nor language ability to deal with effectively.
Project #4: Budget training for local women’s associations and cooperatives.
Recently in the “most likely to happen” slot and now in the “probably will never happen” slot is this training for a local women’s association that weaves rugs for added income. Jonathon, the volunteer before me, was passionate about helping these women and I sort of promised him when he left that I would try to keep up with them and help them when they needed it. He had helped buy looms and materials for them to begin weaving in their new building. When I went down to talk with them a few months after I had been in site, I discovered that they (this being the couple of women I talked with) had used all their materials, had no money, and thought the building was too far away to be practical. They got financial help from Jonathon and so, I think, expected it from me. I thought, however, that instead of giving them more money to continue spending ineffectively, I should train them how to more wisely use the money and then, if they thought building another new building was worth THEIR money, they could build it. I should have seen then that it wasn’t really about walking a kilometer that was the issue; there were politics at work here too. Some women didn’t like some of the other women and felt the system that they had been given wasn’t fair. I wanted to give up after discovering this, but I persisted. Recently, however, I’ve been informed that there is longer a legal association and that plans are in the works to restart it with a different leader than the one I have been working with. That is why this one is now at the bottom of the list. Unless I get a huge kick of motivation, I don’t foresee reviving it. But, then again, I don’t foresee a lot of things that end up happening here. Mostly for my, but also for Jonathon’s, sakes I hope some surprising happens and this turns into a success.
Lent Day 2: Discovery
One year is a big mark for me. You see, before I came to Morocco I had made a pact with myself that no matter what: if I was burning up in some dusty desert pit, if I was stuck in site with a site mate that drove me crazy, if my neighbors didn’t except me, if I was downright miserable, I would not go home until at least one year was over. At the end of the year, if I was still unhappy and consistently wanting to go home, I would take some time to seriously assess my situation and see if it was worth staying for another year.
So now we’re at a year. Going home is not at all in the picture and, aside from the moments of misery (though at times frequent) and the occasional awful feeling of disdain for this culture, I have been happy. As for feeling like I’m serving a purpose here, I spend a lot of time trying to pick that one apart. Socorra and Joe can attest to that. Sometimes I feel useful, much of the time I feel like I’m just biding my time, drinking tea and bullshitting until my two years are up and I can continue with my “real” life.
This feeling, just as I am, is changing and adapting to the circumstances. I mean, I am finally starting some projects. A year in. But that’s not what is important. What is important is that I’m learning to live with the fact that doing “official” activities, where I have to plan and organize, and “working” in a more official sense of the word is not what is giving me the most purpose here and probably wont ever be what gives me the most purpose. Drinking tea and bullshitting is not a way to pass time until the end, it is a means to that end. It is the purpose.
I suppose every volunteer who finds their service an overall success, aside from those who really do save starving African children, have to come to peace with this at some point, whether its during their service or after. I’m happy that I know this as truth here in the middle of my service. I am still working on it though. Every day I have to remind myself that it’s not about the projects at the school or starting associations. That’s just what I’m doing to kill time in between the tea and bullshitting.
So now we’re at a year. Going home is not at all in the picture and, aside from the moments of misery (though at times frequent) and the occasional awful feeling of disdain for this culture, I have been happy. As for feeling like I’m serving a purpose here, I spend a lot of time trying to pick that one apart. Socorra and Joe can attest to that. Sometimes I feel useful, much of the time I feel like I’m just biding my time, drinking tea and bullshitting until my two years are up and I can continue with my “real” life.
This feeling, just as I am, is changing and adapting to the circumstances. I mean, I am finally starting some projects. A year in. But that’s not what is important. What is important is that I’m learning to live with the fact that doing “official” activities, where I have to plan and organize, and “working” in a more official sense of the word is not what is giving me the most purpose here and probably wont ever be what gives me the most purpose. Drinking tea and bullshitting is not a way to pass time until the end, it is a means to that end. It is the purpose.
I suppose every volunteer who finds their service an overall success, aside from those who really do save starving African children, have to come to peace with this at some point, whether its during their service or after. I’m happy that I know this as truth here in the middle of my service. I am still working on it though. Every day I have to remind myself that it’s not about the projects at the school or starting associations. That’s just what I’m doing to kill time in between the tea and bullshitting.
Friday, March 11, 2011
Lent Day 1: How to Survive a Year in Morocco
This week, with the passing of our one-year anniversary in country, my mind races back and forth over itself, skimming through the memories, ideas, and thoughts that it has compiled in the last year.
It would be easy to say that success has yet to find me here in the countryside of eastern Morocco. Certainly I have accomplished no projects, I have built no schools, and I don’t think I’ve saved any starving African children from anything. On the surface it’s nothing. I’ve washed away a year drinking tea, watching movies, and learning a language that has little value outside of itself and Morocco. It’s not until I take a moment to assess the fecundity of my situation that I am able to see that there is, in fact, richness in the mundane and success lying deep within the context of my Moroccan life.
While this success is not often measurable, nor even perceivable, I know that my efforts are not in vain. I imagine that every smile I conjure, every cup of tea I drink with someone, every Berber word I learn are all hard earned pennies in a jar. In that context, while no I don’t have a $100 project in the bag, things are adding up to something worthy of my efforts and I need not worry that my time is being wasted.
One year. 365 days of the Moroccan sun rising and setting over me. It is changing me. The person I was leaving my tired-eyed parents in the Minneapolis airport the morning of March 3, 2010 is not the person I am now. Or, I should say, not the same. Like American +, I am Colin+: A new version of the same person. Enhanced in some ways, depleted in others. Different. I’m not expecting to understand the full potential of this change until after I’ve come home.
A year does a lot to ones perception of a place. It enhances it, skews it, and exposes it. I look back to that bus ride from the Casablanca international airport to where we would spend our first night in Morocco and laugh at how excited we were to see shepherds simply hanging out with their flocks of sheep and goats on the side of the highway. Now, I would do anything to find a place away from town where there isn’t one always watching me. I remember my surprise when I found it raining outside the airport. No sand dunes, camels, or hot sun. My perception of Moroccans themselves has changed as well. I am constantly amazed at how generous they can be and disconsoled at how bluntly soliciting they can be. On the same note, I’ve noticed how the perceptions of myself have changed. I am not as openly accepting of difference as I thought I was when I arrived here. My values are much more ethnocentric than I ever thought. I am capable of self-motivation and leadership that I had forgotten was in me.
So, here’s to another year of discovery and success for me and all my fellow one-yearers in whatever way it comes.
It would be easy to say that success has yet to find me here in the countryside of eastern Morocco. Certainly I have accomplished no projects, I have built no schools, and I don’t think I’ve saved any starving African children from anything. On the surface it’s nothing. I’ve washed away a year drinking tea, watching movies, and learning a language that has little value outside of itself and Morocco. It’s not until I take a moment to assess the fecundity of my situation that I am able to see that there is, in fact, richness in the mundane and success lying deep within the context of my Moroccan life.
While this success is not often measurable, nor even perceivable, I know that my efforts are not in vain. I imagine that every smile I conjure, every cup of tea I drink with someone, every Berber word I learn are all hard earned pennies in a jar. In that context, while no I don’t have a $100 project in the bag, things are adding up to something worthy of my efforts and I need not worry that my time is being wasted.
One year. 365 days of the Moroccan sun rising and setting over me. It is changing me. The person I was leaving my tired-eyed parents in the Minneapolis airport the morning of March 3, 2010 is not the person I am now. Or, I should say, not the same. Like American +, I am Colin+: A new version of the same person. Enhanced in some ways, depleted in others. Different. I’m not expecting to understand the full potential of this change until after I’ve come home.
A year does a lot to ones perception of a place. It enhances it, skews it, and exposes it. I look back to that bus ride from the Casablanca international airport to where we would spend our first night in Morocco and laugh at how excited we were to see shepherds simply hanging out with their flocks of sheep and goats on the side of the highway. Now, I would do anything to find a place away from town where there isn’t one always watching me. I remember my surprise when I found it raining outside the airport. No sand dunes, camels, or hot sun. My perception of Moroccans themselves has changed as well. I am constantly amazed at how generous they can be and disconsoled at how bluntly soliciting they can be. On the same note, I’ve noticed how the perceptions of myself have changed. I am not as openly accepting of difference as I thought I was when I arrived here. My values are much more ethnocentric than I ever thought. I am capable of self-motivation and leadership that I had forgotten was in me.
So, here’s to another year of discovery and success for me and all my fellow one-yearers in whatever way it comes.
My Lenten Promise to You
For those of you who may not be keeping up with your obscure(ish) Christian holidays, this Wednesday was Ash Wednesday, the beginning of the Lenten season. Although I’m not Catholic I usually find it to be a good excuse to pick up or reestablish good habits. Its like a second chance at New Years resolutions without the year long commitment. In the past I’ve generally given up something, but in light of the fact that this year I don’t have a lot to give up that wont contribute to my slow spiral into insanity, I’ve decided to add something to my life. Why would you care, you may ask yourself. I suppose for the same reason you care about anything else I write here, but more so because what I have decided to add to my life is writing. While I may not/probably wont post everything I write on this blog, I will in all likelihood be posting more. So for those of you devoted readers out there (am I deluding myself in assuming that you exist?) keep your eyes peeled for slightly more frequent and consistent updates.
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